We all have lofty goals for ourselves: Make more money, get the promotion, move, marry, have children. The list goes on.
The problem many of us face is that we tac a little phrase on the end of our goals. This phrase goes a little something like "then I'll be happy."
There are a few things wrong with this thought process.
Nothing happens at the end
I've worked with countless individuals that talk about past career successes. These people rarely discuss the end, that's not where the story lives. The story is in the day to day that lead up to the success.
These work colleauges reminisce about staying up late, not knowing what they were doing and the silly things they thought would work.
The magic happens in the messy middle. It's ugly at times (why do you think I call it messy) but it's where the trying, learning and growing happens.
You're setting yourself up for heartache
When I was 22 and newly married I had so many goals for myself. They involved salary aspirations, moving to other cities, travel and children. I had a spreadsheet tracking all of these goals, seriously, I'm that OCD.
Guess what happened day to day? I was depressed. I could barely get out of bed some days. All I cared about was next. I wanted to fast forward my life through the present state and simply move into this fantasy life I setup for myself. I missed time with friends and ignored family all in the hopes of moving on faster. I'll never get those years back, my early 20s are a blur because of this silly "then I'll be happy" phrase.
By 25 I reached the salary goal I had for myself, and guess what, I didn't feel any different. It didn't fill the hole I created for myself in my heart.
It doesn't happen exactly the way you think
At 26 I divorced, met a completely different man who is now my husband, went to graduate school, changed jobs and moved into an entirely different industry.
I still traveled and had children in the years to come but not the way I expected. I never moved to another city and I'm thrilled with that choice.
I came to realize in all of these goals the happiness wasn't in making the goal, it was the getting there. When my goals were met in unexpected ways I was much happier and more fulfilled because I got caught up in the doing not in the attainment of the goal.
Changing mindset
I'm happy to report that at the age of 36 I'm completely happy in the messy middle of my career change. Things definitely don't always go my way but I'm happy with that because I'm learning from my mistakes. What I truly hope for myself when I set goals is that I'm not the same person when I reach them, I grow, I learn and I become a better version of myself while reaching the level of success I know is possible for me.
An Exercise
I want you to think back on a success in your life, it can be anything. (examples: finishing college, the first year of parenthood, a big promotion at work, landing the dream job, landing a big contract with a client)
What was magical about this success?
Why are you proud of this accomplishment?
Was this an overnight achievement, something you stumbled upon and completed within a few days of the start?
Do you find yourself focusing on the day the success happened or all the things leading up to it?
What was your favorite part in the process leading up to this success?
How do you feel you shined, grew, became who you are today?