I remember the day well. It was 7:10 in the morning and Stella didn't have shoes on. We had a strict departure time of 7:15 and if we were late the entire day would have to shift.
"Stella put on your shoes" I said.
"I don't know where my shoes are" Stella answered.
"Look for them" I said.
Instead, Stella played in the kitchen twirling and softly singing to herself.
Looking at the clock I realized we were now missing our 7:15 deadline and I saw red. I grabbed my daughter's 4 year old shoulders and shook her. "What is wrong with you?!? Where are your shoes? Why are you not looking for your shoes?"
And that's when I saw it, a piece of childhood falling from her face, replaced with fear and sadness. Paralyzed by my words she stood frozen and began to weap.
I spent the next few days reliving this event in my head. I've always had a long to do list and a knack for fitting in as much as possible into a day. But at what cost? Why did my rules have to kill my daughter's childhood?
I also yelled at my husband on more than one occasion for not doing a task correctly.
It was time to reevaluate things.
I had to decide what mattered more, checking things off my list or my family.
I thought of Stella at 35. Was she going to be like me, angry, stressed and punching a list? That image is what changed it all for me. I had to end the cycle of rigidity before it killed a childhood and damaged our relationship beyond repair.
What Really Mattered
Looking closely at my list I saw a bunch of noise.
Noise - little things that fill up our calendars but don't drive our purpose in life.
I vowed to remove the noise from my life and focus on the tasks that drove my purpose.
My Purpose
There's nothing listed here that says "mark items off a list". There's also nothing on here that says "make your daughter cry."
I'll end the story here for now because I want you to reflect on your own purpose. What is that? Are you living it or, like me, you're living for the noise?