Pushing yourself is important but what if you're expectations are too high, potentially unreachable.
I've worked with many clients that come to me with unrealistic expectations for themselves. How do I know they're unrealistic? They can't define them. That's right, most people can't define their expectations but they are great at beating themselves up for not meeting these same mythical, lofty, unclear expectations.
This same behavior bleeds over into our expectations of others; because, we see people as a reflection of ourselves. But what does this mean? It means that the same unclear, unicorn-esk* goals we have for ourselves are expected of our friends, family and basically anyone we encounter.
Using this logic we will constantly disappoint ourselves Everyone around us will also fall short of our expectations leaving us angry and frustrated.
This is called the expectation spiral. In an expectation spiral you will be forever disappointed and let down by yourself and those around you.
There is a cure for this ailment though and it's name is clarity.
Think about it. If you don't know what you're aiming for you will always miss it, right? So create some clarity in yourself to aim for achievable goals.
Steps to clarify your expectations
Ask yourself if you have a quantifiable personal goal. If not pick one pronto!
E.g. apply for 3 jobs, reach out to 4 new client prospects, write 1 blog post, go for a 3 mile run
Once you pick quantifiable goals add a timeline but make sure your timeline is realistic.
E.g. One week, one month, one year
Once you have quantifiable goals with a realistic timeline it's time to get to work. Guess what happens when you get to work? You don't have time to expect anything from others because you're knee deep in your own life.
But also remember you can't control anyone but yourself so go out and dream big, make it quantifiable and put a timeline behind it but don't expect this same level from others.
Steps to clarify your expectations of others
Ask yourself what you need in each type of relationship in your life. Try to limit it to 1 to 2 word answers for utmost clarity.
My personal words are emotional support. These fit for practically every relationship in my life. That's it, that's my expectation of anyone I encounter.
For my children my only expectation is try. You never know what new thing you may like if you simply try it.
When you feel disappointment creep in ask yourself if your 1 to 2 words were met?
If not communicate with the person your needs so that they are clear about your expectations.
Get out a sheet of paper and ask yourself these questions and see how realistic your expectations are for everyone in your life.
*I made up this word but you made up the unattainable expectations so we're even.