Have you read "The 5 Love Languages"? Don't worry, I'm not going to get all touchy feely in this post. But what this book highlights is in the same vein as my topic today. In his best selling book, author Gary Chapman discusses how each person has a way they prefer to give and receive love, also know as their love language. He goes on to talk about couples who divorce or have marriages that become strained because they are speaking two different languages. Their love for each other is strong but their way of showing it and receiving it is vastly different therefore they feel unloved. His remedy, learn your significant other's love language and you'll unlock the secret to happiness.
While I firmly believe in this logic I also believe it can be applied to communication styles. When you meet with new clients, employees or bosses do you ever talk about communication styles?
There are four types of communicators:
The face to facer
The emailer
The Instant Messenger/Texter
The Caller
Each has it's pros and cons but learning which one you are and which one everyone else in your life is will vastly change your ability to understand and be understood.
The face to facer
This person stops by your desk, potentially multiple times a day, to talk. They need realtime interaction with others. They want to see your reaction when you tell them the TPS report will be late or their dog died. The face to facer is most likely an extrovert and a longwinded talker.
Pros: You get information quickly and can make a decision immediately without having to reply to an email or text.
Cons: Sometimes the face to facer doesn't know when to leave and can be a drain on your time because you must stop what you are doing and answer them rather than getting to their request on your time.
If this is you: Tell people up front you are a face to facer but need them to tell you when to leave them alone or move on. You can even give them a signal phrase such as "thank you, have a great rest of your day" so that you'll know to exit stage left.
The emailer
This person emails everything! If you ask for a request that requires a yes or no answer this person would prefer to send an email simply stating yes rather than walk over to you and say it out loud. They are most likely an introvert that values their time and guards it with their life. They think they are respecting others' time as well by utilizing this tool.
Pros: You can get to their requests when you want to and you have an electronic trail of every interaction with them making information retrieval much easier.
Cons: Sometimes their requests are urgent and aren't dealt with properly because they get buried in the daily email barrage.
If this is you: Tell people up front you are an emailer but ask how fire-drill situations are best communicated so they don't fall through the cracks. And yes you can ask this question over email.
The instant messenger/texter
This person sends 1,000,000 texts and instant messages every day. Their messages range from "want to go to lunch" all the way to "I have a work issue and here is every single detail for you in an instant or text message."
Pros: You hear about things semi real time but can answer on your time.
Cons: It's hard to keep records of these random interactions and even harder still to reference them for later use. This person also interrupts you constantly with their neverending messaging making it hard for you to complete a task.
If this is you: Tell people up front you are a texter but ask how detailed items should be communicated and if there is a blackout period for instant messenger. (blackout period meaning from 2-4PM your boss doesn't like to receive instant messages as she's trying to finish up for the day)
The caller
The phone rings and inevitably it's this person. They call you for everything because in their mind it's faster and friendlier.
Pros: Instant answers and issues addressed.
Cons: There's nothing to reference back to which can put both parties in a he said she said argument. And if any number crunching needs to take place there's nowhere to do this with all the facts laid as would be done in an email.
If this is you: Everyone knows because you've already called them. But, offer to send a summary email with the information addressed on the phone call.
How to Handle Any Communication Situation
Now that you know who you are and how you should inform others about your communication style while understanding and embracing theirs, here's a cheat sheet to easily remember when to use each type of communication.
